Grief is a feeling that few can avoid. Whether it’s caused by the loss of a cherished job or a best friend or, worse, the death of a pet or a person, the presence of grief in one’s life can alter everything from self perception, to daily rituals, to personal plans. At its worst, struggling with grief can detrimentally affect one’s mental health or even lead to addictions or suicide.
However, if one recognizes the ups and downs of grief and takes care of oneself during the time of deepest mourning, then one should be able to rise again and find meaning in life once more.
The Process of Grieving
Grief rarely comes packaged in tidy stages with time frames for each. While grief can begin with disbelief, move to anger, sadness and end with acceptance, these reactions can just as readily occur every day following a loss. They may be stronger in the weeks or months after the loss and diminish as time goes on, but they may also be minimal at first or suppressed and then surge up powerfully long after one thinks one “should” be grieving.
The important aspect to remember in relation to grief is that there is no timetable to it nor any “normal” manifestations. Some people cry endlessly while others merely become quiet, some make themselves extremely busy while others sink into inertness. For some, anger predominates and for others it is deep sadness. Grief is more like a rollercoaster of emotions that rise and subside over a period of months or even years than a set of fixed reactions that one passes through and is finished with.
One will experience days of calm when acceptance seems to have finally arrived followed by a time perhaps of renewed rage or weeping. Of course, significant anniversaries will likely rupture one’s emotional stability again. Coming across memorabilia, photographs or passing through a place of importance to the loved and lost one can also lead to a welling of grief once more.
Healing from Grief
Grief will never entirely disappear, especially following the death of a child, for instance, or another person who is close to one’s heart. However, with time the pain will become more bearable. One’s life will change. It will never be the same again. But this doesn’t have to mean that no further happiness or peace can be found.
Seek support on a regular basis. Don’t become isolated or this may lead to more destructive feelings of grief. Family, friends and colleagues can offer comfort. Seeing a counsellor might also help though in general one should steer clear of anti-depressant medication at this time as grief should be dealt with as a natural process.
Respond to grief creatively and with respect. Paint, sculpt, dance, write, take up a new form of exercise. It is crucial to take care of one’s health by trying to sleep, eat well, maintain a routine and enjoy forms of relaxation. Postpone stressful activities or work if possible in order to seek space to heal in.
Realize that everyone grieves differently and that the best thing one can do to honour the memory of the loved one is to take care of oneself during this deeply challenging time.